I don't even know how to divulge the events of Friday night without doing so in checklist form. However, I will preface it with this: had I known they would do the dreaded "z" insertion in the title, I would have just stayed home. As it was, we enthusiastically accepted an invitation to join friends at a ringside table for Bad Boyz Brawl IX, here in the middle of Montana.

Let me explain: ever since I saw an HBO back story on Oscar De La Hoya vs. Manny Pacquiao, I have been convinced that boxing is the spectator sport for me. My revelation? Boxing is the only sporting event that's truly fair. Sure there are politics and scams, but if it's clean, it's just man against man, and it's fascinating to watch fighters who knew they were here to fight.

I get no joy from watching someone get their ass kicked in a parking lot or a school hallway, but if two men have trained and weighed in for this (and they have their little helmets on), then let the games begin. No teams, minimal equipment (just shorts, big mittens, and some skinny shoes), no dependency on animals (as opposed to horse races, rodeos, polo, etc.)...I guess you just find the best coach you can, but any real advantages have to come from within. Let the best man win.

But, um, I had no idea what we were in for...

1. Was the match held in a low ceiling conference room at the local Holiday Inn? yes

2. Did the blue-jeans-and-tank-top-wearing-National-Anthem-singin' blonde have to look down at the words? Twice? yep

3. Was one of the "ring girls" named (J)illian, and did she opt for white flip-flops instead of heels? And did she have a tag sticking out of her dress at the armpit? yep (This picture is not of Jillian. It is of Laurie)

4. Did one of the coaches have a nasty black eye? And is this considered a pretty good quality in a trainer? yeah, that makes sense

5. Did we sit next to a table of VERY pregnant women, one of whom was the wife of "Daniel Rides-At-The-Door" who fought his very first fight that night? yep, and he made momma proud

6. When asked how he got started in boxing, did Daniel's wife basically answer, "Well, he fought enough for free that he decided to go into it professionally." uh-huh

7. Was Kentucky Fried Chicken passed around during the second intermission and considered, by our host, to be the highlight of the evening? yep

8. Was Shorty "Hammer Hands" Miller sponsored by God and 3 local taxidermists? yep (our unlikely champion, Shorty, is pictured here in blue)

9. Was all of this enough to write a song? somehow, not quite

10. Anybody know when there's another match?